AOL Anger

Originally posted on May 4th, 2003.

I have a problem with anger. Like today for example. I was looking over my bank statement and saw a charge from AOL.

Now, I signed up over four years ago, I'm ashamed to say, and I've never used the account. I'm even more ashamed to say that I've let those *ahem* people charge me every month for the service for all that time. Well, now I'm unemployed, and I decided to do something about it. I heard that they had a new broadband service that had all sorts of cool Time/Warner content, so the first thing I thought of was giving that a whirl before I shut down the account. I tried to remember my screen name and log in via www.aol.com. No joy. So I called the 800 number and navigated the voice mail to the forgotten password help. After listening to a long recorded explanation of how to change my password if I had my screen name and the AOL software, I got a helpful lady on the line. I explained the situation, and she was able to call up my account using my credit card number. Next she needed the address associated with the account. I told her I wasn't sure, but that I thought it was an old Oceanside address, which I gave her.

AOL : "What about the ZIP code?"
Me: "I don't have that."
AOL:"I'm sorry, but I can't give you your screen name without the ZIP code."
Me:"Well, this was four years ago, and I'm lucky I remember the address"
AOL:"Don't you have it written down?"

Now, I was ambivilant about using AOL anyway, and I didn't want to go digging into my records to find this information.

Me:'Nope. What can I do?"
AOL:"Well, you can cancel the account."
Me:"Don't they need the ZIP code?"
AOL:"No."
Me: "Does it make business sense that I can cancel my account using my credit card number, but I can't stay your customer with it?"
AOL:"They don't have to give out personal information in order to cancel."
Me:"What?"
AOL:"The screen name."
Me:"Oh, I guess that makes sense.."

So, back to the voice mail system. I spent a short while on hold this time, enough to remember that they don't make it easy to cancel." Finally, I get connected.

AOL:"Hi, this is Steve. How may I make your online experience even better today?"
Me:"Well, Steve, I'm afraid I want to cancel my online experience."
Steve:"Oh, that's too bad. May I ask why?'
Me:"Well, I haven't used it in four years."
Steve:"OK, then. What was the address associated with the account?"
Me:"Well, I've had four addresses in the last four years. I can give you the credit card number."

So I give it to him. He repeats it back to me. Soon he says:

Steve:"No, I can't seem to find that number."
Me:"Well, they could look it up at the forgotten password desk."
Steve:"Really? How did they do that?'
Me:"I don't know."
Steve:"Well, I can't seem to find it. What was the address on the account?"

An explanation of why I didn't have the ZIP code ensued. Apparently that stumped Steve, too.

Steve:"Well, I can't help you without that information."
Me:"OK. Let me talk to your supervisor."
Steve:"The easiest thing would be to call your credit card company and have them stop paying." Me:"It's not a payment. It's a charge."
Steve:"What?"
Me:"I never authorized a payment. You charge my credit card every month."

I didn't add that they change the expiry date every year to boot.

Steve:"Well I don't see how that matters.."
Me:"It means that you have my credit card number, somewhere. Let me talk to your supervisor." Steve:"He'd just tell you the same thing. What was that number again?"

So I let him check the number again.

Steve:'Nope. Still can't find it. Are you sure you don't have that ZIP code?"
Me:"Stop stonewalling and let me talk to your supervsor."
Steve:"I'm not stonewalling. I'm trying to help.."
Me:"But you can't help. Please escalate the call."
Steve:"He's on the other line.."
Me:"I'll wait."
Steve:"You keep interrupting me.."
Me:"Because you're stonewalling. They must really come down on you if you escalate."
Steve:"No, as a matter of fact they don't.."
Me:"Then please let me talk to your supervisor!"
Steve:"You keep interrupting. I'm just trying to help.."
Me:"*gargle* *sputter* Now look, you can't help me! You've tried, and you can't do it. Please just accept that and let me talk to your supervisor!
Steve:"What was that number again? I may have mistyped it."
Me:"I DON"T WANT YOU TO TRY AGAIN!! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR FUCKING SUPERVISOR!!"
Steve:"I don't need to listen to that sort of language."
Me:"Ahhh. You were waiting for that! Any excuse to shunt the call into the bit bucket."

I neglected to mention that I'm a bit paranoid, too.

Steve:"No, I'm trying to help..
Me: "Gaaahhh.. What was your first name again?"
Steve:"My name is Steve."
Me:"Now look, Steve. you can't help me! You've looked up the number twice..
Steve:"Three times."
Me:".. three times. And you aren't getting a different result. So PLEASE LET ME TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!"
Steve:"I wish you wouldn't shout.

Ten more minutes of simliar dialog ensued before his supervisor got on the line. (After a short time on hold).

Supe:"Hi, this is ___ how may I make your online experience even better today?"
Me:"I want to cancel."
Supe:"Yess, and I see you've been dealing with my best rep, Steve.."
Me:"Yes, and he's been stonewalling.."
Supe:"..and I see you haven't been using your account for the past four.. er.. three months. That's all the further back I can look."

His disingenuous smile slid slimely out my cell phone.

Me:"So, you've got my account up!"
Supe:"Yes.."
Me:"And Steve couldn't bring it up.."
Supe:"Yes, he was correct in telling you he couldn't.."
Me:"I want to complain.."
Supe:"Please stop interrupting me! He was correct in telling you he couldn't look up your account. I used some higher access codes to retrive you information."
Me:"I want to complain.."
Supe:"Now if you could just tell me why you want to leave AOL.."
Me:"I WANT TO COMPLAIN! ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN??"
Supe: ...
Me:"Hello?"
Supe:"Yes."
Me:"I have been trying for twenty minutes to get Steve to escalate the call to you."
Supe:"He was correct in.."
Me"Stop! LISTEN!"
Supe: ...
Me:"He couldn't access my account information"
Supe:"Yes.."
Me:"The moment we determined that I asked that he escalate the call. He stonewalled for fifteen minutes. You get on the line and fix the problem in under three minutes."
Supe:"He doesn't have access to.."
Me:"Graggggh!"

I finally got him to sit still and listen to why I was pissed off. I then sat through a set of questions intended to figure out why I was leaving. I told him (truthfully, and with relish,) that I was leaving because the change password desk couldn't give me my screen name. I also told him (less truthfully, but with more relish) that I would never consider coming back because of the way I had been treated just now. This was not true because the real reason is that they suck. He then offered to give me three months .. pause .. of free AOL for the trouble I'd been through. (I know for a fact that he could have offerred me a three month refund.) I said "No! I want you guys off my credit card bill!"

My anger seems to flare in proportion to the amount of my own stupidity that got me into the situation. This is not a new insight for me. But reading between the lines of the AOL agents's statements, I get the impression that that's what they were doing too. This could just be me projecting my own thoughts onto others, but maybe not. The supervisor clung to his defense of his "best rep" far longer than would be wise from a customer service perspective. Of course, these two didn't seem like really bright bulbs anyway.

Well, I am now an ex-AOL customer. I feel so.. drained!